YahaSwitch
by Pewdepew
Summary: A collection of stories where the cast of Oregairu are put in some situations that they normally do but with a particular twist that causes confusion and some times mayhem or paranoia.
1. Chapter 1

After a good earful from a furious teacher whose age should never be brought up, Hachiman found himself walking all by himself towards the Service Club.

Not that he complained about the matter, it was in fact quite a nice change that he was alone. His sense of hearing was still a bit hurt after his ordeal with his homeroom teacher so Yui's nonstop chatter would have been twice as much of a pain.

Reaching for the handle, a sudden chill ran down his spine that made him shiver. He stopped and looked to his left, then his right, only to find no one around. He could have sworn he felt someone's presence spying on him...

Finally deciding to disregard it as just the stress getting onto him, he slid the door open to find the girls already at their respective seats.

"Ya... Y-yahallo, Hikki." Came the voice of one girl, shaking as if nervous to speak to him.

"You're late Hikigaya-kun." Scolded another, the tone cold in contrast of the first's warm greeting. "And didn't I tell before that it's rude to not knock before entering?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry, mother." He replied in a half-assed manner, setting himself down his chair.

He grabbed today's novel from his bag, laid back on the chair's rest and flipped the pages open to where the bookmark was neatly pressed within. Yukino on cue then prepared their tea, handing each their own mugs filled with the hot beverage. He blew the liquid a few times before taking a small sip, that's when a realization occurred to the loner.

"...wait a minute."

His eyes moved towards his left, where the two other members were. There he saw the same scene, with Yui sitting between him and Yukino, who just sat down at the other end of the table. His movement caught the attention of the club president, whom looked up from her own novel to meet his eyes.

"What's the matter?" Asked Yukino, a slight blush streaking her face.

"...huh?"

"You're eyes are rotting again, Hikigaya-kun. Please spare us from being tainted by your gaze and look elsewhere." Yui said without even sparing a glance, busily fumbling with her phone as her face contorted in annoyance.

Hachiman blinked once, twice, then shook his head. He then stared at his distorted reflection within his mug of tea.

 _'Who the hell spiked my drink?'_

Perhaps it was just the stress or the exhaustion from a long day at school that he began to mishear things. For a second there, he could've sworn that the two were acting strange-

"Is something wrong with the tea Hikki? Does it taste weird?"

It was none other than Yukinoshita Yukino that had asked, concerned at how intently he was eyeing his drink. This time he was sure he wasn't mistaken, he clearly heard the words coming from her.

 _'But wait, what the hell is this? Why is_ she _the one calling me "Hikki"?'_

Wracking his brain he figured that there was only one explanation to it, and so with a chuckle he set down his mug and faced the two properly.

"Okay guys, I give. You two swapped personalities to mess with me, I get it. But quit it, it's really starting to creep me out..." The girls turned to each other, both looking quite confused at what Hachiman had just mentioned, which in turn confused him even more.

"What are you talking about Hikki? What do you mean by messing with you?"

"Like a prank, or whatever. Anyway, you guys did give me quite the shock so can you stop it now? Please?" Yui grunted and flipped her phone shut as she glared at Hachiman with a raised eyebrow.

"What 'prank' are you going on about, Hikigaya-kun? Why would we exchange personalities? This is who we are, what nonsense are you spouting? Has your rottenness affected your brain?"

The boy's eyes widened in disbelief at the two. This joke wasn't funny at all, and it was dragging on for far too long.

 _'But still, even if they are just acting the way Yui roleplayed the Ice Queen of Sobu High was too good...'_

Deciding to play along to put an end to things and save the nightmares for later at night, Hachiman cleared his throat and sat up straight.

"Yukinoshita."

"Y-yes-!"

"Tell me, can you bake properly?"

"W-what are you asking!?" Yukino pouted, flailing her arms. "Y-you know I couldn't do that to save my life! You and Yuinon even helped me bake some cookies before! Meanie!" She stuck her tongue out at him before promptly crossing her arms and facing away with a harumph.

While it was along the lines of what he had expected out of her, that reaction was too much to bear that he knew Yukino should've died of embarrassment if she were forced to act that way.

Unless, she really wasn't acting...

"Are you seriously stupid? Do you not have a shred of survival instincts that you cannot remember the adverse effects of her baking? You failed at being human at a much larger scale than I've presumed..."

 _'Did Yukinoshita just call Yuigahama "Yuinon"? And why is Yuigahama being so mean, she's seriously pissing me off! What's next, Yukinoshita suddenly getting a huge rack?'_

As one final effort, he took out his phone and browsed through his gallery to find a certain picture. Selecting it, he then showed the display to the girls.

"Hey Yukinoshita, look at this picture of Kamakura. Isn't he cute in catloaf form?"

"Uwaa, he totes is!" Yukino remarked while inspecting the image, only to be pushed aside as Yui leaned forward to take a closer look.

"H-Hikigaya-kun, please do send me that picture of your cat, as well as any more that you have in your phone. I require them for... research purposes..."

"...okay." He heaved a sigh, falling back to his chair with a slump while selecting the images he had to send to Yui.

"Ah, that's right." The pink-haired girl went to her bag and rummaged through her belongings, producing a pouch in her hands. Laying it on the table and untying the string that held it shut, it opened to reveal several cookies that gave off a deliciously sweet aroma. "I nearly forgot, I tried baking some cookies but ended up making too many, so please."

At that point, Hachiman stared at the delicacies that laid before him. As he began to broke into a sweat, he realized that he actually did have survival instincts.

That aside, it was the dreaded... "Yui's cookies." He remembered how severe it made his stomach upset that he could barely move. Yukino on the other hand, failed to see the danger hidden within the "food" as she reached for one and happily took a bite.

"Mm~ It tastes great! As expected of Yuinon!" She squealed in delight, continuing to finish her cookie. Seeing that Yukino hadn't fainted or began vomitting, he himself took one and, after saying his prayers, bit onto it...

"..."

He slowly chewed a few times before he swallowed, never finding anything odd with its taste nor appearance. In fact it was good, _too_ good that it was making him feel dizzy just thinking about it. This was certainly _not good_ for the fabric of space-time.

"Ugh..." He groaned, holding his head as a headache started to throb. Struggling to keep himself on his feet, he put away his book and slung his bag onto his shoulder. "I-I gotta go... I am having a really bad migraine right now..."

He made his way to the door, but his vision was slowly fading to black. When he finally couldn't see anything anymore, he felt his legs gave away as his body fell down on the floor.

...

"AHH!"

Hachiman woke up with a start, looking around to find himself alone in the classroom. He checked the time, it was already after classes and no one had bothered to wake him up.

 _'Thank god it was all just a dream...'_

He made his way to the Service Club, all the while thinking of an alibi he could use against Yukino in case she inquires about his tardiness. Reaching the club room he was about to slide the door open when he remembered his dream.

He knocked thrice first, giving Yukino the chance to say "come in" before actually letting himself inside.

"Ya... Y-yahallo, Hikki." Yukino greeted, with the same blushing face as before.

He then stopped at that and froze in place, his bag slowly sliding off his shoulder.

"You're late Hikigaya-kun. But at least you remembered to knock this time." Yui followed, a bit irate.

Hachiman's eyes moved from one girl to the other, back and forth, never saying a word.

He then came to the conclusion that he had officially "lost his shit."

 **AN**

HELLO! THIS IS TGWW AND WELCOME TO JACK*ASS! NOW GIVE ME LOLIS!

 **Ah-!**

 **I messed up... G-greetings! As you know (or maybe not, so I'm saying it right now), I have been solely betareading for a while.**

 **And by "a while", I meant four months.**

 **Maybe you're curious why I haven't posted anything for TSAY, nor that incest one-shot. Or maybe you haven't heard of me before, and are just finding out about me now lol. Either way, the answer to that is simple: my fucking work. I have been very busy since then until now due to work, and while it may sound like an excuse for me being lazy, it's not. I think. No wait, I've decided it isn't.**

 **But I WILL update that. As for when, that's the question. But hey, I've written down what I want to happen for Chapter 8, all that's left is to actually write it in story form. As for the incest fic, I haven't finished it yet because I'm not confident in writing smut (yes, I plan to write that as a smut fic). There's a new Hachiman x yandere!Komachi out there, I heard it's good so if you're aching to sate your lust then do check that out. Thanks for reading my rambling, see you next time (hopefully at my update!** )

 **Pewds here! So this is are colab a collection of stories were the cast of Yahari got their personalities switched, we started of with the bubbly Yuigahama and the flat ice queen Yukino I was the one in charge of the first chapter and TGWW and I brainstormed some ideas that we wanted to put into this first chapter. Next chapter TGWR is in charge and he will choose who will switch personalities so look forward to it, so just sit back and emjoy.**

 **Follow or Favorite and leave some reviews if you like.**

 **Characters switched:**  
 **1\. Yuigahama & Yukino**

 **2\. ?**


	2. Chapter 2

Yukinoshita Yukino was currently out on a weekend waiting for someone.

The said person had decided that they should meet at 9:00 AM, but she was late for some reason. The girl had been waiting for around half an hour already, and she was just about to make a call to her friend when she noticed a familiar silhouette from afar running towards her.

"Yukinon!" The pink-haired girl called out to her friend. Arriving by her side she took a moment to catch her breath. "I'm so sorry, I slept late last night because I was... doing my homework!."

"Yuigahama-san, if I may ask..." Yukino placed a hand on her chin. "While I am quite in awe with you doing your homework, why is it that you decided to finish them until late at night when you knew we were going to meet today at an early time?"

"Ah-! T-that's-" Yui laughed nervously, averting her eyes. "W-well, I did it all last night because I wanted to relax during the weekends! And I really wanted to enjoy my day Yukinon!" She said with a beaming smile. Upon realizing her friend's intentions she smiled back.

"Very well but next time you should manage your time more properly, 'haste makes waste' after all. Also if you'd like, I can check on it later to see if you've done it correctly."

Upon hearing her words Yui wrapped the other into a tight embrace.

"Waa~ you'd really do that? Wow, that'll be a big help, thanks a lot Yukinon you're the best!"

"Y-Yuigahama-san, please refrain from hugging me in public, we are making a scene..." Yukino whispered, slightly blushing. Besides than the piercing gazes of the bystanders, there were other "pressing matters" that she could not help but doubt if she had truly been unfortunate to not have been endowed such... things.

Yui didn't notice that some people that had been passing by were already staring at how affectionate she was being with her friend. She quickly let her friend go and urged her to enter the mall, where the two cycled through the different stores within the establishments and tried out various outfits and browsed through a ton of accessories.

After three hours of grueling shopping they moved onto lunch at the food court. As they sat and ate the two shared a talk about a certain loner who was currently not with them, he had said before that he had something to take care of today, however the two doubted his words.

"Hikki is so introperverted! I invited him to come with us so many times, but he always says he has something to do."

"Umm, I think the word you're looking for is..." Yukino paused, then shook her head. "N-nevermind. Anyway, I doubt that he actually has things to do what with his lazy attitude, but he does come with us if he has nothing else to do during the weekends. So let's give him the benefit of the doubt this time."

Not long after Yukino's statement they overheard two familiar voices, however something about them felt... off.

"Kouhai, Kouhai! Don't be like that on a date, that's minus fifteen points for always looking grumpy!"

"This was how I was born so deal with it. Besides why do we have to do this today? I wanna to rest all day at home..."

"Oh, is that so? And _who_ was it again that wanted my help so she knows what to do when she does go on a date with her crush?"

Iroha looked at Hachiman and sighed in defeat.

"Me. But I did say that I would inform you _when_ I wanted to do it."

"Then exactly when do you plan to start this?"

"I don't know, maybe next week or in a month? I just really wanna stay at home today..."

"No can do, Kouhai! We have got to start today so when you do go out with him you're already up for it! So don't complain and stop giving me that grumpy look, smile more!" Hachiman smiled at Iroha which made her blush, and in return she mustered what could only be considered as a creepy grin.

Yui and Yukino, whom had been witnesses to the previous peculiar conversation between the two, were absolutely confused. He was smiling at her the same way he does when he'd talk about his little sister, far from the usual, creepy stalker-level smile he most of the time had whenever he was with them.

And what's even weirder was that Hachiman acted all friendly with Iroha while the girl appeared completely indifferent with his actions. The loner they knew to be edgy and anti-social was now clinging onto the younger girl's arm happily while she, who normally was bright and cheerful, seemed obviously distraught. The displeased look in her half-lidded eyes clearly told anyone she didn't want to be anywhere but home.

"Come on, let's get going! For now, we'll head on over there." Hachiman urged, taking the girl with him by the arm who was powerless against him.

Out of curiosity, the two girls followed behind the couple until they reached a clothes store. The two began browsing through the merchandise, after a while Hachiman excused himself as he headed over to the changing stations after selecting a few pieces of clothing, reminding Iroha not to leave as he did. As the three girls awaited, one of them dying from boredom, the curtains slid to the side to reveal the boy who was now dressed in flashy attire.

He had his white undershirt underneath the black, stylish business suit, topped with a bright red tie to give off that dapper look. He had even combed his hair back for a slick hairdo, lastly a pair of black glasses that hid his eyes from view. Some people nearby had stopped and were staring at him with hushed words of awe as he stood there confidently, presenting his work towards the silent girl that was Iroha.

From the background where they were hiding, both girls spoke muffled praises as they covered their mouths to avoid blowing their cover. It wasn't the first time that Hachiman had dressed up, yet today something was different that definitely made his coolness spike.

"So, what do you think Kouhai?"

"It... looks good on you."

"I beg your pardon? Would you please repeat that?"

"I-I said... it looks good on you Hikigaya." She averted her gaze, scratching her cheek.

Her seemingly half-assed comment made the two girls jealous as they saw how he had blushed at her words, but they could not reveal themselves so easily that they had been tailing them for a while now.

"Well then, now it's your turn so go ahead and try out the clothes you've picked."

"Now in you go kohai your turn to try out the clothes you picked."

Iroha was hesitant at first, but due to Hachiman's forceful push she had no choice but to try them out and hopefully this would shut him up. She entered the booth, with him standing on-guard right outside in case she'd try to escape.

As the girl took her time changing, Yui and Yukino couldn't take their eyes off the loner.

'Since when had Hikki been that cool and handsome? And those glasses sure did a great job hiding his eyes..." Thought a certain airhead. She turned the other girl beside her, only to be shocked at the sight of Yukino slightly drooling as she stared intently at the boy. Yui gently placed her hand on her shoulder and shook her a bit, calling out her name.

"Earth to Yukinon, are you there?"

"W-wha-?"

Having broken her gaze dispelled the hypnotic powers the loner unknowingly had on her and, upon noticing the leaking liquid from one of her orifices, she immediately pulled out her handkerchief to wipe herself clean.

"I-I apologize for being unsightly... however the opposite could be said for Hikigaya-kun. Today, does he not appear to be rather... stunning?"

"Totes true Yukinon! But there's something wrong with him, and so does with Iroha-chan, the two of them are acting strange..."

"Indeed. Judging from their behavior and interactions, it seems like they've switched personalities somehow."

Yui nodded at her statement, but before she could answer the curtains of the changing booth were once again moved to display Iroha, now wearing an elegant white sundress that hugged her body in all the right ways, showing off her curves that were quite something to brag about.

"H-how is it..." The girl spun around, albeit stiffly as her knees trembled.

Hachiman blushed and looked away from her, but he did give his nod of approval for her chosen dress. Recollecting himself he looked back and gleefully smiled at the girl before him.

"Do you see it now? You're beautiful when you dress properly, now all you need is to smile."

Iroha's face went crimson red up to her ears in an instant. She turned and hurried back inside the booth, wanting to change back to her clothes as she could no longer take his stares anymore. Hachiman went to change back after her, and the two headed over to the cashier and paid for their clothes. Once done, Hachiman quickly grabbed Iroha by her hand and pulled her out of the store.

"Yukinon, they're getting away!" Yui exclaimed, quickly moving to follow them without getting caught. As the couple rushed towards a crowded part of the mall, the two girls had lost track of them.

"Oh no, I can't find them. I wonder where they went..." Yui's head looked left and right, trying to spot the two.

"I'm afraid... we've lost them Yuigahama-san." Yukino paused to catch her breath after the sudden sprint.

"Maybe they've gone off to eat somewhere?" Chimed in a third voice.

"Ooh~ that's a good idea? But I wonder where they could-" It was then Yui realized that the voice sounded familiar, like it belonged to a certain loner she knew. Both girls turned around to find Hachiman looking displeased with his arms crossed, behind him stood Iroha with an indifferent expression.

"Ah, H-Hikki! F-fancy meeting you here! H-hehe..."

"Y-yes, quite the coincidence..."

"Alright, you can cut the act." He sighed. "I've noticed you two since I had tried on some clothes. Geez, you two suck at stalking."

"Uhh, well it's not like we were following you two..." Yui trailed off to silence, uncertain on what valid alibi she could use.

"Is that so? Then would you care to explain as to why you were running and frantically looking around after we left that store?"

"U-umm, t-that was..."

"Very well, we shall admit to our actions." Yukino interrupted, stepping forward. "It is true, we were indeed following the two of you. However it was only out of concern for Isshiki-san's well-being, seeing as you've been acting very... intimate towards her than usual."

"I'll have you know that I'm treating my kouhai here properly!" Hachiman then laced his arm around Iroha's waist and pulled her closer to him. "In fact, I'm just being a good senpai to her and am taking care of her needs."

The sight of him violating her personal space was not only surprising to say the least, it also made both girls' eyes turn green with envy. The normally passive girl that had always stayed quiet whenever it came to conflict finally stood her ground, no longer able to bear giving things up for the sake of others.

"Hikki, that's unfair!" Yui protested, pointing her finger at his arm that held the girl. "How come you're fine with being this close to her, but when I do it to you I get nothing but complaints? Whenever I try to be a bit chummy with you, you're always... a-always-!" Her words were lost as she stifled a sob, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Well, it can't be helped." He patted Iroha's head, to which there were no signs of struggle from her though her face was beat red. "This kouhai of mine is just too cute after all, hehe..."

As Yui had broken down, it took Yukino every bit of her strength to remain her calm demeanor. Yet Hachiman's parting words as he bid goodbye were the final straw that had completely caused her to lose it.

"Oh, and I believe I have never mentioned it yet," with Iroha in tow as he held her by the waist, he took one last look back at the two girls that had remained frozen in place.

"We're actually on a date today." Then they proceeded to continue on with the said date. Yui and Yukino still couldn't believe what they heard from the loners mouth but Yui still wanted to follow the two so she woke up her friend from the shock as she said to her.

"Yukinon wake up! We have to follow them! I know it's shocking for both of but we can't let them off our sights who knows what Hikki will do to Irohachan!"

Woken up from her state Yukino quickly composed herself and answered with.

"Yuigahamasan I know Hikigayakun looks like a creep but I don't think he'll do something bad to Isshikisan."

"But Hikkis is acting strange today Yukinon so what if he does do something like that?" She was really pleading with her friend to follow the two. Yukino really didn't want to disturb them it was their date after all she knows how to respect others privacy but the look on her precious friends eyes made her think otherwise.

"Okay Yuigahamasan we will continue to follow them but we will only interfere once we are sure that Hikigayakun will do something bad to Isshikisan, is that clear?"

Yuigahama nodded to her as they carefully followed the two this time from a distance, the two walked for a while before arriving at a peculiar restaurant Saize Hikigaya was rather hesitant to go in but Isshiki just went inside quickly to the dismay of her date. They sat down first facing one another then Hikigaya got up and sat beside Isshiki causing her to distance herself from him but Hikigaya was persistent so she went closer to her. Isshiki gave up quickly on getting away from Hikigaya once she didn't have the space anymore to move after that they both ordered their food. Yuigahama and Yukino were also hungry so they went to the restaurant beside Saize and went to its second floor so they won't be spotted by the two. They ordered their food and as they waited for it they saw that Hikigaya and Isshiki were getting pretty close to each other specially Hikigaya. He was trying to make Isshiki try out his Carbonara but Isshiki's face said she wasn't interested. Hachiman still insisted Isshiki to taste his food but Isshiki's determination not to taste it was unfazed unknown to them Yuigahama and Yukino were burning with rage and jealousy from what they saw. Eventually Hachiman gave up on the it as they ate in peace, Isshiki finished her meal first and while waiting gor Hachiman she took out a book from her purse and started reading it while Hachiman occasionally fiddled with his phone while he eats.

After finishing their meal Hachiman and Isshiki went out the restaurant but before they walked to their next destination Hachiman said something to Isshiki.

"Kohai lets take a picture."

"No thank you I don't want to take a picture with you."

"Come on lets do it, it will be our little souvenir from our practice date."

"I don't want to do it." Isshiki evaded Hachiman's attempt to have a picture with him but after a minute of dodging him Hachiman caught her arm and then he pulled her in close their face almost touching then he suddenly made a peace sign while he took a picture of them together. Once Hachiman got the picture he showed it to Isshiki who quickly walked away from him but to her dismay Hachiman linked their arms and she couldn't separate from him as he said to her.

"That's minus 15 points for wanting to take a picture with your date and minus 15 more because you made me force you to take one with me kohai."

"Your point system is unfair and where do you base that anyways?"

"Minus 10 points again for questioning me."

"Oi I just asked you something I didn't do anything wrong!"

Hachiman looked at Isshiki with an annoyed face then he sighed as he said: "You should just go with the flow Kohai it's not like I'll do something bad to you knoooooowwwwww." He then winked at her.

"Ugh please don't do that."

"What do yooouuuuu meaaannnn dooooon't dooooo that?" He smiled cheekily at her.

"That! Don't do that!"

From a distance Yukino and Yuigahama were having mixed feelings abut the scene that they were watching.

"Yuigahamasan I think I would like to go home now, from all that we have seen today me head feels like it's about to explode..."

Yuigahama still wanted to follow them but she prioritized her friends health.

"Okay Yukinon lets but I'll come with you until you get to home okay."

"Yes Thank you Yuigahamasan." Yuigahama supported her friend as they quickly left the two.

As Hachiman and Isshiki were heading home Hachiman was still subtracting the points that Isshiki had but it didn't seem to affect her since she ignored him but he got her attention at the end as he said.

"Plus 10 points to you kohai because I still enjoyed our practice date so all in all you get -140 points."

"Such an unfair point system and it really has no actual basis." Isshiki said she then noticed that Hachiman was busy with his phone so she stopped. Hachiman noticed this and approached her as she asked her.

"Something wrong kohai?"

"..." She waved her hand and somehow Hachiman understood what she meant as he lowered his head and then Isshiki gently patted and rubbed his head as she said to him.

"Thank you for helping me out Hachiman."

Hachiman quickly blushed and he moved away from her as he said.

"Imsorrykohaiifyourhittingonmebutyournotmytypeeventhoughyouarekindapretty. I'm really sorry!" He then bowed in front of her.

For a while Isshiki remained silent but then she just giggled then her giggles turned into laughter as Hachiman pouted at her and asked.

"What's so funny kohai? hmmm..."

Isshiki stopped laughing for a moment as she said.

"Well you rejected me so many times that I'm just used to it now and it doesn't fail to make me laugh sorry about that Hachiman." She then gave him a genuine smile to his surprise that caught him off guard.

"No fair kohai?"

Isshiki was confused on why he said that as he continued to say something else.

"I can't get mad at you if you smile at me like that."

Isshiki just disregarded what he said as she told him.

"Hachiman it's getting late lets go home now."

"Okay kohai lets." Hachiman let his shoulders down as they walked by each other home as they both enjoyed their day.

 **AN**

 **This switch was rather hard to do since it was hard to put Iroha's slyness/foxiness into Hachiman but me and thatguywhowrote have done are best, don't expect it to be pitch perfect.**  
 **I will update my main story next week I'm just waiting for my partner to finish betareading, sorry if it took some time to write but its super hot in our country right now so I apologize for my laziness and I got hooked on watching Wotaku and comic girls.**

 **If you have any suggestions or ideas just leave them in the reviews or message me.**

 **leave some reviews!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

It was the weekends and I just wanted to relax like any other person in the planet. During this time I usually lounged around the house, playing with Vita-chan or reading one of my light novels. I treasured my weekends because it was the only time I got to relax after grueling days at school. There I had to deal with people, more specifically a handful of people. I can't say that I hated them as they were the closest ones that I could call as my "friends", granted I actually had any.

First was a middle-aged single teacher that had a habit of punching me in the stomach due to my comments about her age. Despite her appearance was eye-catching it was still hard for her to find a man suitable to be her husband and at this rate I may just end up marrying her... So dear romcom gods please have mercy on that teacher of mine!

Second was a beautiful slim and shy girl, despite her beauty she had been given the title "Ice Queen" because of her cold personality. She also had a very sharp tongue and it seemed whenever her chest was mentioned it bothered her to a certain degree.

Third was the bumbling airhead, a pretty girl very much like the others but what baffled me was how she had passed our school's entrance exams. Also her cooking was out of this world - and by that I meant not in a good way. I should know as I have tasted her cookies, and that is one experience that I will never forget. The list of girls go on and on so lets end it for now as I have strayed from my first topic.

I cannot stress enough that I treated the weekends as holidays, they were the only days I got some well-deserved rest and relaxation after the daily troubles at Sobu High. But today that was not the case as I was on the streets, currently waiting for someone. Why was I outside, you ask, and waiting for someone?

It's because when my clubmate Yuigahama returned from her family trip she retrieved her dog Sable that she had dropped off at our house before she went away on her trip. When she got her dog back and was about to leave, my younger sister Komachi asked her to buy her some food sold during tonight's fireworks festival. I wasn't really interested to go to the said festival, but as I was heading up to my room my little sister caught my hand.

"Now Yui-chan, I don't want you to get tired with walking all around the festival by yourself carrying so many things, so my good-for-nothing Oniichan here is going to help you out!"

I was about to disagree when Komachi looked at me saying if I didn't go then she would be really mad at me... Unable to turn down a request from her, I reluctantly agreed to go with Yuigahama...

So here I was now. I had arrived earlire and had been waiting for about fifteen minutes now. I was about to use my phone to send her a mail when all of a sudden someone called out my name from the distance. I saw it was Yuigahama, donning a yukata as she headed over to where I am.

"Hikki! Sorry for the wait, it took way longer to get into this." She said while catching her breath after running all the way over to where I was.

My eyes were glued to her as she looked exceptionally beautiful today in her attire that I hadn't noticed I was ogling her for a while now.

"Hikki you're staring too much..." She slightly blushed, fidgeting her feet.

"Ah, sorry about that. But you look really good in that Yuigahama." Upon hearing my comment her face lit up with a smile.

"Hehe~! Thanks Hikki, now let's go and buy those things Komachi-chan wanted."

I nodded to her as we headed over to the nearest train station to get to our destination. We boarded the train and while we travelled to our stop at the next station I found ourselves placed pretty close to each other, thanks to the number of people that had boarded earlier at the last stop. Being the gentleman of high caliber that I was, I spared some space between us and protected Yuigahama from the crowd. At first she confused as to why I had placed both hands against her, similar to the " _kabedon"_ found in most romcom situations.

"Thank you Hikki, but your arms will get tired before we even get there. Will you be okay? You also have to carry what Komachi wanted us to buy."

"Don't worry about me. Or are you saying that you would rather be smothered by these people or be groped by some pervert?"

After she heard that she stayed quiet and pouted at me, not saying another word until we reached our stop. Once the people that were crammed in the train got out with us following behind, I finally got to stretch my limbs and relax a little. We then walked towards the area where the fireworks festival would be held, we had arrived earlier than expected so Yuigahama and I killed some time trying out some food and checking the wares at the stalls, finishing the list of things my little sister also requested along the way. I wanted to go home immediately after that, but seeing Yuigahama enjoying herself here I decided not to ruin it for her and suck it up.

As we wove our way through the sea of people, a voice boomed from overhead.

 _ **"The fireworks will start in 10 minutes."**_

"Say Hikki, we should find a better place where we can watch the fireworks properly. It's already kinda crowded here."

I looked around and sure enough, most of the good spots had already been occupied. "Okay, but where? I bet some of the decent places to watch are already taken by other people but let's walk around just in case we find any left."

Yuigahama nodded at my suggestion and we proceeded to search the area for a nice spot. Much to our dismay, the places where you could get a clear view were already full. We managed to find a certain area that was wide and clear but it seemed it was reserved for some people, probably for rich families or politicians. As we were about to take our leave, I heard my name being called out by a certain Onee-san.

"Hikigaya-kun! Over here!"

I turned around to see a certain elder sister of my clubmate, Yukinoshita Haruno. She also wore a yukata but unlike Yuigahama's it really showed how wealthy she was. It looked like it cost a fortune to buy one of those, and its violet color looked really good on someone like her. She stood up from where she was seated and quickly approached us.

"Good evening Hikigaya-kun, and to you also Yuigahama-san. Are you two on a date tonight?"

"No we're not Yukinoshita-san, we just came to buy the stuff that my little sister wanted and were looking for a spot to watch the fireworks later."

"Really? You aren't cheating on my little sister, are you? I don't like infidelity, got it." She started poking my cheek as she said that.

"It's not a date, I swear." I told her. And last time I remember, the Ice Queen and I weren't in _that_ kind of relationship, so how was this even considered cheating?

"So, have you two found a spot to watch the fireworks then?"

"No, we are still looking so..." I trailed off, she seemed to pick up where I was going and smiled.

"Then do you want to join me in the VIP seats? I'm all alone there right now."

I was about to decline her offer but I thought of Yuigahama. We were walking for a while now so her feet were probably killing her. It also seemed we weren't going to find a good spot to watch. I wanted to let her rest so I gladly accepted her offer, hoping I could somehow tolerate this older Yukinoshita's teasing. She led us to her spot and as we got there Yuigahama quickly sat on one of the benches there. I was glad that she finally got to rest her feet but I was also restless because I was spending my evening with _her_.

"Yuigahama, can you remove your sandals for a bit?" I asked, noticing how her feet looked sore. She was rather confused at the question but removed them without saying anything. I knelt in front of her and, gently taking one foot in hand I gave her massage. Once she realized what was happening her cheeks turned bright red as Haruno shot me a curious expression.

"Hikki, my feet are fine s-so you don't really have to do that..."

"It's okay, we were walking for quite a while so let me at least do this for you."

She may have spoken her hesitation but she didn't attempt to stop me from massaging her feet. I wasn't an expert on this, but I had some experience from giving my mother and Komachi foot massages when they were really tired. I gently rubbed her heels in a circular motion and after that I focused my attention around the ankle bone. She seemed to like it because of how relaxed her face had become so I continued.

I made a fist and used it to massage the arch of the feet to apply the proper pressure, I looked at her expression to see if that was enough for her. I was about to end the massage when I remembered I haven't paid attention to her toes, so I moved my hands to take care of them.

As I focused on her toes, she began to softly moan a little and it was making me conscious as my adolescent mind drifted off to dirty thoughts. I didn't notice that Haruno had been staring intently at what I was doing, she also looked really envious for some reason but I disregarded her for the moment and focused on finishing Yuigahama's foot massage.

"How are your feet feeling now?" I asked after finishing.

"U-umm, it feels way better, s-so thank you Hikki..." She muttered while blushing.

I looked over to Haruno and when we made eye-contact she suddenly blushed and averted her gaze. I wanted to rest up after that but she looked like she also wanted me to give her foot a rub.

"Yukinoshita-san, do you also want a foot massage?" Upon hearing what I asked she lunged at me for a hug me while she rubbed her cheek against mine.

"Really Hikigaya-kun? You'll also do mine?"

"Yes, so if you could let go of me..."

She realized what she was doing and quickly let go of me.

"Sorry about that Hikigaya-kun, I didn't mean to do that hehehe." She stuck her tongue after she said that.

When we first met I quickly saw through her facade, but for some reason her bubbly personality now didn't seem to be fake to me, not one bit. In fact, it closely resemebed Yuigahama's. Were my loner senses getting so rusty that it cannot see through her illusions anymore? Or was this perhaps her true personality...

I wanted to know but for now she asked me to massage her feet so I accepted her request like a true gentleman. I did the same method to her but when I was about to finish up, unlike Yuigahama she couldn't stop herself from moaning out loud. The voice that came out of her was really sultry and my mind did its work of entertaining me with strange imagery like any healthy boy's would. I also noticed that Yuigahama was looking at me, she was smiling yet it gave a sense of unease in me. It was out of character for her when she did that, but I couldn't blame her since I didn't intentionally made her and Haruno moan because I wanted to. It's not like I was curious as to how their voices sounded like if they did _that_ , I just massaged their feet...

Nonetheless the way she looked at me may have seemed normal to other people, but for me it was kind of unnerving so after I was done with Haruno's massage I asked her.

"Something wrong, Yuigahama?"

She only stared at me so I called her a second time.

"Hello? Yuigahama, you there?"

It seemed to work as she was a little bit surprised when she came to.

"Sorry about that Hikki, I was thinking about something..."

I wanted to know what she was thinking about for her to be able to look at me like that, but I disregarded it for now. I just wanted to enjoy the fireworks while I was here. Sitting next to Yuigahama, we waited for only a few minutes before the fireworks show started and lit the evening sky. I was enjoying the view when I felt someone staring at me, I ignored it at first but after a few minutes it became too much that I couldn't brush it off anymore.

I wasn't exactly handsome, but for a girl to look at me instead of the display was simply odd that even my inner narcissistic side felt cynical about it. I looked to my left and I saw Haruno was enjoying the view of the fireworks, I then felt my body shudder before I could fully turn my head to the right where Yuigahama was.

She was staring at me. It wasn't like she was glaring at me or anything, but the way she looked at me was like how a hunter eyed their prey once they had driven it to a corner. Chills went up my spine upon seeing how she looked at me, I had never seen her act like this before. What happened to her, why the sudden change in her character? She was staring daggers at me and it was disturbing so I decided to divert her attention. I took some drinks from the food we bought earlier and handed one to each of the two ladies beside me.

"Here, have some drinks you two." I first gave one to Haruno who said her thanks, she then proceeded to open and drink it. Then I gave Yuigahama hers, I was rather reluctant to look at her eyes right now but to my surprise, her expression had returned to normal. The way she acted now was the usual Yuigahama, the bubbly airhead that I knew. Maybe I was just tired earlier and my mind was playing tricks on me?

We then enjoyed the rest of the festival as we watched the fireworks display. I was constantly looking at Yuigahama to be sure that she wasn't acting like earlier, fortunately she didn't show any signs of it. I think I might have really just been tired so I was probably seeing things, I sighed in relief told myself that there was absolutely no way she'd do that.

Once the event had ended Yuigahama and I were about to leave when Yukinoshita-san called me.

"Before you go Hikigaya-kun, I want to give you something." We followed her to the parking lot where her car was. She opened the door and took something from inside.

"Here, you can have that as thanks for accompanying me on this wonderful evening." She then flashed me a smile, but unlike the mischievous ones she normally had this one was... how should I describe it...

It was a genuine smile of appreciation and gratitude, from the bottom her heart. It showed how happy she was, I felt my cheeks blushed as I placed what she gave me inside the plastic bags I held in my hand.

"Thanks Yukinoshita-san, and if I may ask what did you just give me?"

"They're cookies, home-made ones. My friends and I made some earlier at home and I was supposed to eat them while watching the fireworks, but I had forgotten all about them. I'm really not that hungry right now, and it would be a waste if I just threw those out, so I'll give them to you instead." She then went inside her car, waving us goodbye before she went off.

* * *

Yuigahama and I headed for the train to go home, as we were waiting I felt a little bit hungry so I got the cookies that Haruno-san handed me. I took one from the bunch and placed it in my mouth.

"Blarg-!" I spat the cookie almost instantly when the taste intruded my senses.

It was terrible! Were they even cookies?! It looked like they were something else _made_ to look like cookies since they looked pretty normal, but when it touches your tongue it just speaks for itself. Heck, there was actually someone else worse than Yuigahama at baking!

The bad taste was still in my mouth so I frantically searched for a drink to wash it down. I managed to open a bottle of tea and downed the entire thing, but there were still traces of her cookies in my tastebuds. Before the train could arrive I hurried to buy another one from the nearby vending machines where Max Coffee was being sold. Thankfully because of my favorite drink being extremely sweet, my sense of taste had been purified by its cleansing properties.

After the train ride home, since it was getting both late I opted to escort Yuigahama first since her house was farther than mine. It just wouldn't do for Hikigaya Hachiman the gentleman to let a girl go home by her lonesome when it was this dark and dangerous. While walking towards her house I observed her and it seemed that she was back to her normal self.

So it seemed I really were just imagining things earlier. I was tired yesterday so I slept late, and we had walked for a considerable amount of time earlier. Perhaps it was also because of the heat from the packed crowd and the stalls? I guess it was just an illusion...

While I was busy thinking about things I was brought back to reality by someone calling my name.

"Hey Hikki, were you listening to what I was telling you?"

"Of course I was Yuigahama, but umm... Do you mind if you repeated what you were saying earlier?"

She pouted at me, crossed her arms then looked away.

"Geez Hikki, don't do stuff like that when you're with a girl. It's totes bad, you know!" /aye, totes bad and uncool! it ain't algebraic at all.

"Sorry about that. But what was it you were saying again?"

"I was telling you how I enjoyed being with you while we watched the fireworks earlier, and it could have been better if only it were just the two of us..." I saw her blush when she said those words.

"Hikki, can I tell you something?"

I nodded, already having an idea what she was about to tell me.

"Hikki... I-"

Before I could cut her off, her phone began ringing and stopped her mid-sentence. Yuigahama looked completely disappointed, but she took her phone out and she saw who it was.

"Sorry Hikki, it's my Mom calling so I have to answer this."

"Go ahead, she is probably worried about you."

"Okay, do you mind if I go over to that corner there? You can sit here and wait for me to finish."

I just nodded at her and sat on the nearby bench while she walked over somewhere to talk with her mother. I could hear her voice while they talked, but after around five minutes she became silent. Before I could call out to her, a scream tore through the air.

"Hikki, help me! Ah, p-please don't hurt me!"

Yuigahama's cry for help brought me to my feet and running faster than I could react, but when I reached the corner where she had been all I found was her lying on the ground unconscious.

"O-oi, wake up! A-are you hurt!?" I panicked, knowing I'll be in deep trouble if ever something happened to her. No one would ever believe me if I said I didn't do anything, I wasn't exactly the least suspicious-looking person after all. I gently raise her upper body and shake her a little, hoping to wake her up but it seems that was the least of my worries.

Yuigahama's eyes shot open and she pushed me with surprising strength, making me fall to the ground on my back. Before I could stand up she had already pounced over me, straddling me down with a look that said I wasn't really going anywhere anytime soon. She was also breathing heavily, but it didn't seem like her sudden actions were the cause. Her face was red and her smile was creepy, like she had been possessed by something.

"Finally, we're all alone Hikki." She whispered closely to my ear, the sound of licking her lips followed after

"..." I stayed silent, both very scared and unsure of what to do with this "Yuigahama" in front of me.

"I just wanted to spend the whole day with you, but I wasn't very lucky today... So now I'm going to enjoy my time with you Hikki. Consider this as overtime."

Her face went down again, dangerously very close to mine. I thought she was going to kiss me on the lips but to my surprise, she only gave me a peck on the cheek. A bit disappointed, I somehow managed to calm myself enough to speak to her.

"Yuigahama... W-why are you doing this, this isn't like you!" I couldn't hide the fear from my shaking voice to her.

After what I said she looked at me with a lifeless expression before giggling, then it turned into a crazy uncontrollable laughter. Hearing that from her only made me even more worried.

"Hahaha! Hikki, I thought you were the "monster of logic?" _You_ don't know why I'm doing this?" She again bursted into a laughing fit, once it subsided she placed her finger under my chin and her mouth drew closer to my ear.

"Because _I_ found you first. I want you, I'm interested in you..." "I like you Hikki, I-I... I'm _obsessed_ with you."

Her answer made me want to escape, but because of our position right now she had the advantage and even pinned me down by my shoulders. I didn't even noticed before but she was pretty strong, I was struggling to break free from her but she didn't even seem to break a sweat.

"Yuigahama, whatever you are planning, please don't do it. You are not like this, you aren't sly and manipulative."

For some reason, hearing what I said she just laughed crazily again.

"Did you really think that I was an airhead, Hikki? That I wasn't smart? You only saw the "Yuigahama" that you and everybody knew, that wasn't the real me... _This_ is the real me, but don't you worry your pretty little head... I'll only show this side of me to you." She smiled creepily. "You and everyone else only saw the tip of the iceberg and quickly labelled me as the "bubbly bimbo", well news flash Hikki! I'm way more than that hehehe... You know, we both have two things in common. We both hide our true selves and we both can see through almost any facade... Luckily for me, your senses have grown weaker."

"What do you mean 'weaker'?"

"You really want me to spell it out for you?"

"I don't know what you're saying..." I tried to act like I didn't know.

"Fine then. Admit it or not, you grew weaker because of the Service Club. Even if you proclaim yourself the 'loner of loners', deep down a part of you still wanted friends. You still wanted people to accept you for who you are. You grew weaker because of the club you sought for companionship, you felt at home when you're in the club your sharp senses relaxed and because of that you weren't able to see through my facade" I stared at her as she continued on with what she was saying, however her tone suddenly changed.

"And that's fine by me Hikki, because I'm..."

"You're... what?"

"I'm your first friend. And I'm really, _really_ greedy you know. I wanted to have all your firsts." She then gave me a devilish smile that grew even more sinister as she sensed my fear.

I wanted to scream for help with the little energy that remained in me, but before I could even try something sealed my lips.

She pressed her face against mine in a kiss to silence me, pulling away as if to study if I had been convinced by her to shut up. She then kissed me again, starting off from chaste pecks until it developed into amorous tongue fests erupting with passion.

It felt... nice. At first I struggled, but soon the urge to resist melted away as I did to her touch. She leaned her warm body onto mine while her tongue worked inside my mouth. I could feel the slimy appendage slipping through the parting of my lips, roaming around in search of its counterpart. I went to greet it with mine and together they danced in a frenzy. Saliva had been exchanged between us, and I found her taste to be very alluring that I instinctively sucked on her tongue when it came into range.

Yuigahama didn't seem to be bothered and even tilted her head a bit for my sake, giving me an easier point of access to her. Soft moans leaked from her mouth as I assaulted her, only fuelling my strange desire to continue what I was doing with much more gusto. Like a baby suckling to the teat of its mother I gave in to the pleasure and had my fill, only breaking away from her as the need to breathe could no longer be neglected.

Our lips finally parted, a string of saliva between us the testament of our intimate interactions. We were both breathing heavily, faces flushed and minds fuzzy as the world around us seemed to blur out into a haze while time seemed to have ground to a halt.

The scary expression on her face had been completely replaced by one of satisfaction, like that of a person who've had their fair share of a wonderdrug whose effects had started kicking in. With a triumphant smile, she gently laid her head on my chest.

"Our first kiss Hikki, it was so good just like how I imagined it to be... now we are a couple."

"Umm, that's nice and all but can you get off me for the moment please..."

"I'll only get off of you if you promise not to run away from me." She sat up again, looking me in the eyes.

"O-okay, I promise I won't."

"Sorry Hikki, I don't believe you. And it seems I was right on shutting you up earlier, you just tried to call for help, didn't you?"

"..." I looked a way from her as she looked at waiting for my answer.

"Oh you're not going to answer me? Tell me Hikki, what else could I've done to shut you up? I can't hurt you, no no no, you're my precious Hikki after all." She closed her eyes for a while, but opened them as if an idea had struck her.

"Why haven't I thought of that earlier, I'm such an idiot... If I just sat on your face then that'd really shut you up."

My eyes almost popped out of their sockets when I heard her thinking out loud.

"Geez, you're such a pervert Hikki! We have steps to follow first before we can do that." She sent her fist down on my chest playfully. "Then again, it never said we couldn't skip a few steps, did it?"

She held me down again by my shoulders as I saw the return of her predatory glare, and this time it was more intense that it froze me in fear. I then noticed that her lower body was slowly creeping up my upper body.

 _'She really wanted to do it right now!'_

Sharing a torrid kiss in public like that could be acceptable up to some level, but doing something like this here and doing it with someone like her?

"Yuigahama, please don't it." I pleaded, but she just ignored me and continued to do what she was planning.

"P-please don't... Yui."

At the mention of her name she stopped, then she quickly covered my mouth.

"Sshh, listen."

It was very quiet at first, I didn't hear anything. But before I could ask I heard some voices, and it seemed like they were coming from some police on patrol in the area. I was really glad to hear them coming our way so that this can finally end. I looked over to Yuigahama. she wasn't excited about being interrupted but then she smiled at me.

"Hikki, can you imagine what would happen if they found us like this? I could tell them I was suddenly assaulted on my way home and I tried to fight him off but I couldn't, that he tried to take off my yukata but I pushed him down and waited for help to arrive."

My heart stopped at what she said. She was going to lie about our situation, and because of my eyes being the way they were I'd probably be in the disadvantage. Yuigahama would surely win.

" _Or_ be mine and mine only, Hikki. If you promise that, I won't do it. So, what's it gonna be.. Hikki?"

I had to think fast. Both options were going to be a bad ending anyway, but I don't want to go to jail and accidentally drop the soap so I had to make a deal with the devil here.

"I'll... I'll be yours Yui." I said, gulping as I've passed the point of no-return. She smiled at my response.

"Good answer."

She then got up and fixed her clothes, then when the officers got to us she just explained to them that "her boyfriend fell down because of the heat." The two officers helped me up and sit on a nearby bench, they even gave me some water and helped me clean off some of the dirt that was on my clothes. Once they were confident I could make it home on my own they left us.

Yuigahama, err... Yui acted like nothing happened but when we stood up so I can walk her home her hand had gotten a hold of mine. As we reached the apartment building, she quickly gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hikki, we're a couple now okay? Be a good boy and nothing bad will happen to you." I nodded, knowing what she was capable of and willing to do if her will was not obeyed. I watched her disappear into the interior of the building before I started on my own way home.

En route, my phone vibrated. I pulled it out and saw that she had sent me a message.

"Hikki, I know you hate nice girls, but how about bad ones?"

After reading her message, there was only one thing I could think of.

 _'What have I gotten myself into...'_

* * *

 _Omake_

"I'm home."

My body felt heavy, weak from all the walking around and that little "fiasco" with Yui earlier, which was the complete opposite of Komachi who bursted with energy and excitement as she greeted me back.

"Welcome home, Onii-chan! Thanks for these!" She took the plastic bags from me and rushed off to place them away, returning to me with a wide smile. "Soo~ how'd it go? How was your fireworks festival date with Yui-chan? Did you two have fun?"

Her question brought a lot of images into my head, but most of them were the fresh ones from our time _after_ the festival, causing my face to turn red.

"...don't ask." I muttered, suddenly getting a headache as I thought of how things would be from now on. I plopped myself down on the sofa for a while, Komachi setting herself beside me.

"Nee Onii-chan did something happen?"

"Yeah Something did happen you can call her Onee-chan now," I chuckled, mostly at my self for my own circumstances.

She looked at me confused at first then she realized what I meant as she screamed at the top of her lungs and ran across the house.

Then I thought of "if she only knew that Yui had such a personality." then after that my mind decided to remind me of our steamy moment earlier I blushed as I said to myself.

"At least I kind of enjoyed myself earlier..."

 **AN**

 **Sorry for the late upload but my net was broken the last month for two weeks and classes have started here so I was busy at work.**

 **I shall update my main one and my other story this month so please just wait for a bit.**

 **This will probably have a part two in the future so please wait for it then, for the next chapter I will pick out a rather comical switch so please look forward to it.**

 **As always thanks to thatguywhowrote for beta reading this and for helping on some of the scenes here.**

 **See you next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

A familiar place, but a different air.

Hachiman stared at the classroom door for a while, sensing the unusual vibe that emanated from behind it. His ahoge twitched wildly like a radar going off, telling him that there was someone - or something rather, inside the Service Club room that had emitted the ominous aura.

...perhaps it was that dunce Zaimokuza Yoshiteru again, with his crime of a fanfiction in his hands waiting for his opinion. The mere thought sickened him that he felt like throwing up altogether.

Steeling himself he reached for the door and slid it to the side, expecting the loud and pompous guy to greet his entry. Numerous sheets of paper began to the dance in the wind as a sudden draft blew from the single open window, obstructing his vision until the gust finally died down.

As the scattered paper fell to the floor he was surprised to find only one person inside: the Ice Queen, sitting quietly on her throne with her book in hand.

But wait a minute...

"U-umm, Yukinoshita?" Hachiman spoke, a bit taken back by what he saw. "Why do you have a coat? And why are you wearing it like that, draped on your shoulders..."

The girl did not make eye contact and simply shut the book in one hand before giving off a light "hmph." Standing up she then struck a look straight at the loner, the wind suddenly picking up from behind her and animating her coat and hair to spread like the proud mane and wings of a mythical creature.

"I've been waiting for you, Hikigaya Hachiman. How long has it been?" She flipped her hair before she crossed her arms, the usual cold, condescending glare was present yet it harbored another alien feel to it. "But I guess it doesn't matter, does it? For we are timeless, eternal beings."

The loner surmised he must have either misheard her or he was still dreaming as he dozed in his last class, but pinching his arm concluded that he in fact, was wide awake.

So what the hell happened to Yukinoshita Yukino, and just what has she been saying?

"Uhh, Yukinoshita..." He began, not knowing how to breach the subject without getting on her bad side if that was even possible. "Are you... feeling okay?"

"I'm better than okay, Hikigaya-kun. You could even say I'm at my prime, at my power's peak." She did a strange pose like one of those Stand-users in that shounen manga, bending her body in a strange and painful-looking way while one of her hands partly covered her face and one eye.

It took one to know one, and he knew just what was exactly going on with the girl before him, whether he wanted to believe his eyes or not.

 _ **'She's gone chuuni!?'**_

It was weird, too weird even for Yukino. She couldn't just one day decide that she had 8th grader syndrome out of the blue, there were certain prerequisites in being a person of this condition...

 _'...unless this is all an act to prank me.'_ He thought, looking around to check if there were any cameras. He couldn't find any, but that was probably because they were hidden.

"Well, won't you demonstrate your power on _this side_?" The club president asked, still stuck in her weird position. Hachiman had no idea on what he had to do just to get her to reveal her prank, with how she was acting it seemed she wouldn't budge to tell the truth anytime soon.

So it seemed he had no choice but to play along... as embarrassing as it may be. Even if he _were_ to be caught in footage, at the very least he wasn't alone on this.

"Heh. Yukinoshita, just who do you think you're talking to?" Hachiman coolly said with an air of confidence, though deep inside he was already dying as he cringed at himself. "I, who have slain all who opposed me, am being challenged? There are limits to how full one can be of themselves..."

"Why don't we see who really is the fool between us?"

The two students stood before each other within the confines of the Service Club room, but within a blink of an eye there were now at the zenith of the Abandoned Tower of Babylon. The circular platform had no walls and was made of stone which had aged in time yet was still sturdy enough to stand despite being unfinished until now. The night sky was illuminated with nothing but the full moon red as blood, giving off an ominous glow.

Hachiman no longer donned his uniform, instead he had a black undershirt and pants, pairs of matching finger gloves and boots, a red cape that had a tattered hem and belts.

One around his waist, two around his right thigh, another going across his chest... There were belts on him everywhere.

In front of him stabbed to the ground was his weapon of choice - his large yet one-handed sword "Mysteltainn", which was said to slay even the mightiest of the gods. He grabbed its handle and hoisted it out, holding it in one hand with ease despite its impressive size and length. Just from wielding it he could feel the murderous intent from the blade seeping onto him, and while common folk foolish enough to use it would succumb to an endless, life-threatening berserk Hachiman was resistant to such influences, hence it was rendered ineffective and safe for him.

On the other side of the stage was Yukino, now dressed in full body armor that shone under the ample moonlight. Its flawless design betrayed the number of battles it had participated in, being near-indestructible to physical attacks it had remained in pristine condition. Her helmet had no visor to allow wider vision, and her long black hair was left to freely fall behind her back like the cape of a valiant knight of her status.

She had a mirror shield on her left hand and a crystal mace on her right, both perfect gear for the skill set of the fighter-mage that she was. It had good balance for both offense and defense, plus its enchantments gave her an advantage against fellow spellcasters who were resistant to magic attacks, resorting to using physical abilities to take them down.

The two continued to stare at each other, gauging the other's power level and waiting for the right moment to strike.

In the blink of an eye Hachiman vanished in thin air, but Yukino's clairvoyance made quick work of his attack and with a graceful turn-around she raised her shield and blocked his blow.

"Striking me from behind at extreme speed naked to the human eye? How dirty." She mocked as he put some distance between them. "Quite the fighting style I expected of you, no less."

"It's not dirty if it isn't underhanded tactics." He reasoned before disappearing again. Yukino now put her shield down and met his sword with her mace, the deafening sound of clashing steel filling the arena. He released a few more slashes but the girl swung her weapon each time to successfully parry them.

Even if she could calculate his moves, she could not continue turtle play and bear the block damage she was receiving. Once an opening was available Yukino leapt back and pointed her mace at him, a magic circle forming on its tip.

 _"Northern winds of chaos and woe, unleash ruin to my foe: 'Fimbulvetr'!"_

As she chanted - or rather yelled the words in a loud, high-pitched voice, a chilling gale enveloped the area around Hachiman. The winds intensified as it swirled into a violent tornado before blasting into a large chunk of ice which broke to shards a few moments after.

It was a direct hit, catching the unaware loner in the open as he recovered from his attack, leaving no room for a chance to evade.

And yet even if it was a high-level spell, magic of that scale could only leave a scratch at most on Hachiman. As the smoke from the impact cleared off there he stood, dusting some ice crystals away from his shoulder.

" _Yare yare daze,_ " he shook his head. "That was a good shot I'll give you that, but I did expect more from you."

Yukino clicked her tongue in annoyance. If there was anything she hated more than Hachiman, it was failure.

"You prove to be a worthy opponent Hikigaya-kun. Like a cockroach, you truly are a tough one to exterminate." She stood on-guard as she readied her weapon once more. "But it'd be sad if this battle were to end so quickly, after all the waiting I've done."

"Aren't you the cocky one..." Hachiman giggled, cracking his knuckles as he slowly walked towards her. "And as much as I'd love to keep this up, I'm afraid you're not going to last long enough."

"Oh, I'm shaking." Yukino mocked, seething with sarcasm.

"You better be." He remarked, raising his sword and pointing its tip towards the sky. As he did the clouds thickened and gathered from above, blocking away the crimson moonlight behind its veil and dimming their arena.

"Intending to hide?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out." He smirked. "Though I should advise you to keep your eyes wide open." After that he vanished from sight, causing Yukino to look around her for signs of him. The darkness greatly limited her field of vision, so she never stood still and kept turning side to side while keeping track of things.

"Behind you-"

Yukino heard a voice behind her, allowing her to turn in the nick of time to block Hachiman's sword swing. The sheer weight alone of the weapon proved enough of a burden for her, add in Hachiman's strength and she was pushed away as she maintained her guard. At the time she had recovered from the blow her opponent was once again nowhere to be seen.

Then a voice yelled out...

 **"PERRRRRRRSOOOONA!"**

A tornado suddenly formed in front of her and once it had subsided Hachiman stood there with a different look. He was now wearing a black ankle-length tailcoat, a high-necked waistcoat with gold accents, black jogger-style pants, brown-black winklepickers, and a pair of red gloves. His mask was a black and white, bird-like domino mask. When Yukino was about to make her move she heard an ominous deep voice say.

"The world is not as it should be. It's filled with distortion, and 'ruin' can no longer be avoided. Those who oppose fate and desire change... From time to time, they were referred to as Tricksters. You are the Trickster. Now is the time to rise against the abyss of distortion."

Then a being slowly materialized behind him, it also wore a tuxedo but its color was crimson red and looked older, like those worn in the Victorian era. It also had a very long black top hat atop its head while its face was like a mask cut in half with horns extending from the top corners. The left side was all white and the other was black, and it had a very sinister smile on it. It had long black claws on its hands, and wings that were blacker than the darkest night.

 ** _"I am Arsene, another you that exists within... We meet once again._**

 ** _You have progressed well through your recollection. Last spring, you awakened to this furious power._**

 ** _Now, use that power... and defeat the enemies before you!_**

 ** _Your fate will soon be determined_**

 ** _Recall everything..._**

 ** _Remember the bonds you have forged with your friends... wait, you don't have friends right? Then just defeat the fool who has challenged you!"_**

Hachiman then screamed in pain as he tried to pull of the mask off his face. He struggled, but once he had taken it off his face was covered in blood. Arsene then spoke once more.

 ** _"I am thou, thou art I..._**

 ** _Thou hast turned a vow into a blood oath._**

 ** _Thy bond shall become the wings of rebellion and break the yoke of thy heart._**

 ** _Thou hast awakened to the ultimate secret of the Fool, granting thee infinite power."_**

After Arsene's words he was engulfed in furious violet flames and a black chain was tied all over him. Another chain went to Hachiman's hand, he then pulled it to unshackle him, the chains then broke free from Arsene. His face changed and was now all black with a demonic smile still there while he growled and roared. The violet flames fully engulfed him and and exploded afterwards.

After the display Yukino laughed and belittled Hachiman saying.

"So you have failed to harness that power-."

Before she could say anything else thunder roared from above her, she could sense a powerful being coming down from the heavens.

"W-what?!"

As it descended, huge black feathers fell from above. It looked like a demon fully covered in armor, you could see its crimson red eyes staring at Yukino as it spread its six gigantic wings for all to see. Upon seeing this she yelled.

"...A pact between a false god and a human... Even I could not have predicted this. You are a no mere loner, no... You are _the_ loner above all loners!"

A gun then appeared in front of Hachiman, he stretched out his hand and held it firmly before pointing it at Yukino.

"Let's finish her, Satanael!"

"I shall help you defeat your enemy, 'loner'." Satanel did the same and pointed its gigantic gun towards Yukino.

"Begone, Sinful Shell!"

He pulled the trigger, causing Satanael's gun to fire a bullet of energy towards the Ice Queen. She casted all of her most powerful defensive buffs to try and block it, but it was to no use.

The projectile was a direct hit and it bombarded the area with destructive force, a blinding flash of light that consumed every nook and cranny of the arena as Yukino felt her consciousness fading upon impact.

She fell down to one knee with her head hung low, completely worn out and her mana pool depleted. Before her stood Hachiman, arms crossed with a triumphant smile. Their surroundings cracked and shattered like glass, returning them back to the Service Club room as reality reverted to its initial state.

"Where is the high and mighty Yukinoshita from earlier?" He mocked, his insults proving to be more painful than her wounds.

"I... admit defeat." She gritted her teeth, never wanting to speak those three words.

"To think you still have some shred of humility in you, I underestimated you. But it's sad that it doesn't change the fact that you still lost."

"Fine, I don't care..."

"Hmm? What's that?"

"I said I don't care." Yukino shot her head up and looked him straight in the eyes. "You win, do whatever you want to me."

"...eh?" Hachiman took a step back. "What?"

"Did you not hear me? I said have your way with me!" Yukino shouted, causing him to be even more surprised. "This body is but a vessel, so do whatever you want to it... Sully me to your heart's content, but know that my soul will never bend, I shall never fully submit to you!"

"Wait a minute, that's not-"

"What are you waiting for!?" Yukino stood up, her legs shaking under her weight as if she were truly exhausted. "Satisfy your perverted desires on this body and put an end this once and for all!" She began to undo her blazer and had taken it off, working on the buttons of her undershirt.

"I don't wa-!"

At that moment her limbs finally gave away, but before she could hit to the ground Hachiman managed to catch her, causing both to tumble down with him breaking her fall.

 **"EH?!"**

Both their heads turned towards the source of a third voice. There by the open door stood a girl with pink hair, her face flushed as she stared intensely at Hachiman as he was being straddled by Yukino.

"W-wait Yuigahama it's not what you think!"

"N-no! It's not like I'm jealous or something!" She defended, shaking her head. "I-it's just that I think you shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff at school, like it's not good if someone else saw you and... and..."

The girl's lips started quivering so much she couldn't speak any more, her eyes becoming glossy as tears threatened to pour out.

"Please, let me explain!"

"...b-baka!" She yelled as her parting word before she turned tail and fled the scene, leaving the loner unable to fix the misunderstanding.

"Dammit..." He slumped back down on the floor. "She's gonna be a pain to deal with later."

But before he could fully recover, another person had paid the club room a visit.

"Hachiman," he greeted as he entered, only to be stopped by the sight before him. "Hmm? What's this, you're engaging in sexual harassment towards your club president?"

"No." He replied flatly, not really bothering to give a damn about his opinion.

"S-Sishou!"

The girl above the loner perked up at the visitor, getting off of him and running up to greet the newcomer with a bow.

"Yes, yes. Though would it kill you to fix your clothes, not that there's anything to be seen behind them anyway..."

"Ah-! S-sorry for the unsightly show..." Yukino frantically buttoned her shirt up, smoothing out the creases as much as she could.

"That aside, I've come for the 'you-know-what'."

"Of course, gladly!" The girl rushed off to her bag, rummaging through its contents before pulling out what appeared to be a thick stack of paper held together by a large bull clip. "Here you go Sishou, as discussed."

"Thank you for your hard work." He took the item from her and began to scan its contents.

"Umm... what the hell is that?" Hachiman poked in, finally getting off the ground and fixing himself.

"Trash. That's what this is." Zai responded as he flipped the pages, each one causing his face to morph into a more displeased expression. "Just look at this. The main character is obviously modelled from herself, but with all her imperfections omitted. Such shameless self-inserting. And what's with the cliché of a romantic development? It's full of so many tropes that I can predict what will happen before I even read the next part. Lastly, this incessant, unnecessary emphasis on the heroine's, and I quote, 'big, bouncy bosom', throughout the story is annoying on a level I cannot even begin to explain!"

Each criticism from him felt like a sword being driven at Yukino as she shrieked in pain, contorting her body on every attack. The last remark that targeted her insecurity with her ample chest was the final nail on her coffin wherein she fell on the ground, resulting in death throes along with a foaming mouth. Hachiman looked back and forth between her and Zai before he blinked his eyes from the massive headache that had been forming.

Hachiman might have had one too many cans of Maxx Coffee...

 ** _A/N_**

 ** _Thatguywhowrote:_** _I'm still alive, apparently so. Anyway, I am quite busy with work and have not logged in here for a while, sidetracked and all._

 _If you're wondering for an update, I aim to push one before November so it won't exceed a year since the last one. I'm sorry if it's taking long, but if you are still looking forward to it then I thank you in advance for your patience._

 **Pewdepew:** Here it is the new one! How did you like it? It was both fun and annoying when we wrote this because of "reasons" but we still finished it. thatguywhowrote did most of the work here I only gave some ideas and I betaread it before posting it here so if you want to give credit give it to him and for our next chapter we may get it from the reviews so watch your inbox if we message you here.

As always thanks for your support and see you next time!


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